Fifty Shades Of Black, White And Red
by A Damned Scientist
Summary: After spending time with a group of human women at a party, Aeryn has some questions for John as they get ready for bed. Filler for 'All's Well Under The Sun.' No significant spoilers for that fic. Some references to 50 Shades Of Grey, but not enough to call it a crossover, IMHO.


**Fifty Shades Of Black, White And Red (R)**

Filler for my own fic 'All's Well Under The Sun.' It's probably not necessary to read that fic to understand this one.

Rated R for sexual content, although there is no actual sex, just a rather adult conversation.

Inspired by a reader asking me what Aeryn asked John at the end of Chapter 2 of my fic 'All's Well Under The Sun' and by someone else, whose first language isn't English, asking what BDSM stood for on a Farscape rewatch. Oh and by THAT book, of course. So, does that make this fic a Farscape-50 Shades of Grey Crossover? Boggle eyes.

Thanks: To Vinegardog for a read-through even quicker than the writing!

Words: 1360 written in about an hour and a half! If only all fics came to us fully formed and only needed transcribing from the voices in our heads! Sleeping on it helped me to add another two lines.

**Fifty Shades Of Black And White And Red (R)**

"So, John what _does_ BDSM mean?" Aeryn's question, delivered whilst she stood at the dresser taking off her jewellery, caught John literally and metaphorically with his pants around his ankles.

"Well, umm…" John floundered for a moment, gathering his thoughts as he finished extricating his feet from the fabric. He should have known that Aeryn wouldn't have just left her question from their boat trip unanswered. She wasn't that sort of gal. Always chase down the prey; always see things through to the bitter end: that was his wife. She'd spent maybe half an arn on the boat trip in the company of a group of…. well, trophy wives seemed to be the most appropriate description. When he'd met back up with her she'd had all sorts of questions, including that one. Questions which he hadn't wanted to answer in company, even if it was the same company who had been expanding his wife's English vocabulary. Back on the boat she'd whispered her question in his ear, in front of all those women, and he'd blushed and demurred. Now that they were back home and getting ready for bed Ambassador Sun seemed to have decided that it was Question Time.

"Well, the B stands for Bondage," John answered, kicking his pants up onto a chair whilst nonchalantly unbuttoning his shirt, trying to get the Q&A over with as quickly and painlessly as possible. Aeryn, being Aeryn, would surely appreciate plain-talking, and then they could get on with going to bed and getting some sleep. It had been a long, tiring day out on the boat, in the sun and John was all done in.

"Aha!" Aeryn wiped her face with a disposable cloth, paying special attention to the area around her eyes. "Like when Moya was pregnant with Talyn and the DRDs glued my hand to the deck?" Was she kidding him, playing dumb? Maybe being ambassador was doing wonders for her ability to keep a poker face?

"Umm, not quite. It's more like when a couple are, y'know, making out and one of them agrees to be tied up to make it more exciting…" John balled up his shirt and threw it onto the nearby chair.

"I see. Can it be any sort of restraint, or just tied up?"

"Any sort, babe." John flopped on the edge of the bed, reflecting on how wise he had indeed been to save this conversation for private.

"Right. And the purpose of this restraint would be…?"

Aeryn shrugged out of her dress, allowing it to pool on the floor at her feet.

John's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. He wasn't sure when Aeryn had found time to discover lingerie, or why she had kept it to herself till now, but he sure as hell wasn't complaining. There was no way on Erp, or any other planet, that her remaining clothes could be called simply underwear.

"Well, ummm." John struggled to engage his brain as all his blood was diverted to his eyes and his rapidly stiffening cock. "Their partner might tease them with all sorts of stuff. There could be tickles, or food or… I dunno..." He couldn't believe Peacekeepers didn't get up to that sort of thing. She had to be playing with him, trying to get a rise out of him. "Um, Aeryn?" He finished, trying to find the words for a question of his own.

"Ah. And the D?" Aeryn continued, casually stooping, lifting the dress from the floor and walking over towards the wardrobe.

"Stands for Domination." Well, that was simple enough, he wrongly thought. Simple was good right now, it allowed him to admire the view.

"Like I used to do with lesser species?" She stretched up and hung up the dress before glancing at him over her shoulder. Was that a hint of a smile, he wondered?

"Umm, sort of babe. You sort of still do come over all bossy sometimes when we recreate."

"And how is that relevant?" She scolded, turning back towards him, placing her hands on her hips.

"B.. b. b. because the D, in this case, refers to domination in a sexual manner."

"Mmm hmm." She nodded in understanding, as well she might. He was fairly certain now that she was playing with him. "And the S?" She continued, slowly stalking towards him, completely undeflected from pursuing her lesson in the murkier backwaters of the English language.

"Stands for Marquis de Sade…"

"What the frell?" Aeryn stopped in her tracks and frowned. "You're not making any sense John. I mean, Marky doesn't even begin with S…."

"OK, OK, let's just say it refers to when someone gets sexually excited by inflicting pain on someone else."

"Like Matala or Scorpius or Natira or Tolven or…?" she ticked them off on her fingers.

"Yeah, yeah, OK, enough examples," John interrupted, disturbed at the thought that Aeryn was starting to make his life sound like one American's descent into the UT's S&M scene. "You seem familiar enough with the concept!" John let out a deep sigh, communicating his unhappiness about pursuing any further discussion about the prevalence of sexual sadists in the Uncharted Territories. And certainly not when there were better things to be doing.

"And the M?" Aeryn cocked her head to one side and frowned, defusing his remaining tension instantly with her unparalleled cuteness.

"That's masochism, or getting your rocks off by having pain inflicted on you," John explained, allowing a weary and wary tone to creep into his voice.

"Rocksoft?" She shook out her hair and gave it a quick finger-comb. My God, she had magnificent hair, he thought to himself. He just wished it was him who was playing with it right now.

"Satisfaction, happy endings…" John stopped listing when Aeryn indicated her understanding by waving him silent with a dismissive hand.

"And this… mouse-o-schism… is common amongst Oomans?" Aeryn's eyes widened in disbelief.

"Yes. No. I dunno. Maybe." John floundered at being put on the spot, at having the accusation of endemic kinkiness turned back on his native people. "It's not really something I've ever asked anyone: 'Hey mate, do you get your jollies by getting your delicate bits…?'"

"How very strange." Aeryn interrupted, perhaps not wanting to hear what delicate bits John might have mentioned next. "So why would those women have joked that reading a fictional tale about BDSM would have saved their marriages? And saved their marriages from what?"

"Frelled if I know, Aeryn. Saved them from boredom, maybe? P'raps you should have asked them?" Frustrated at how her teasing overtures seemed to have stalled, he beckoned her to join him on the bed and tried to snag her hand. She ignored the invitation and easily dodged the hand.

"Maybe I should have," Aeryn replied, fixing him with a disconcerting, withering stare that made John feel quite uncomfortable. She turned slightly and momentarily, her hand falling on the bedside table. "Maybe I did…" he thought he heard her add, whispering in Sebacean.

"So, is that all? Did your new friends give you any other questions you needed answering? Any other yawning cultural differences you want to understand?" He regretted the words almost as soon as they were out of his mouth. Why couldn't he just leave things be once in a while?

"Actually John…" Aeryn replied, a twinkle entering her eye as she climbed onto the edge of the bed, straddling him. "There was one other thing you could help me with…" She raised her right hand to shoulder height, off to one side of them and flicked her eyes towards it to indicate that John should take a look. Aeryn, wriggled her hips, settling herself further into his lap as his eyes scanned to his left as they had been directed to do.

"Oh!" John's exclamation turned into a chuckle as his eyes took in the pair of fluffy, pink handcuffs dangling from one outstretched finger. All things considered, it didn't look like he was going to get straight off to sleep after all.

"So, John. What was the B for again?"

The end


End file.
